Tag Archives: adhd

days past

I said in these days past

as the light flickered on and off

by little fingers

all the words I could ever say

who would listen

not the little ears

nor the bigs

but the radiate energy that surpasses

extraordianry lives

and passes ordinary lives

with the likeness of dolls

one moment that leads to another is like

a marathon

where I am only in a race against time

not anyone else

to my sisters dismay

but the uncanny resemblance

of my fathers dead decaying

corpse..

I don’t know where this will all lead

only I know I can’t quit yet

Pushing the boundaries

of the words

that flow from the ether

I have to step up and breath

I have to live and love

and know that in the end

it is me that must

sleep soundly at night

the foster care system isn’t my boss

nor is their mother

but my own consciousness

on raising the spirits

bright and bueatiful

and caring for my own

in their own way

not one person can understand this

journey

nor can they make it easy

except those who get off on suffering

and release their venom on me

instead of taking responsibility

I still have to devote my time

stratagize my personal life

and sacrifice everything to make it right

and love and hug

these beings tight

I am so strong

because I have to be

because I am a survivor

because I cant be weak

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feed my soul / 34/soul love saga

 

relaxations

 

Feed my soul.
Nourish my mind

teach me to love

let go and trust…

Being kind
To find your life’s mission
Inside outside

ears buzzing

Angels calling time
Feed my soul

nourish my mind

empower my being

water color washes over me/2012/ soul love saga

I found my mouth salivating

as the kids

meddled their fingers in

water colors

color washes on thick paper

my mind reaches into the empty dark

chasm of possibilities

when I open my eyes desires melt

as the to do

lists mount

high with expectations

mountains of laundry

lay awaiting

sprawled out in the colorful horizon

a landscape in need of vacuuming

 

kids echoing wants as

my mouth dries in arid anticipation

of the mayan end of the world

fear of stagnation and unchanged environment

rises above

with the hope of a new world

with collective consciousness

 

dis orders/38/soul love saga

Open your eyes and see me standing here

 

calling out to you.

Hear me as I speak.

I need you to listen to me.

Everything I do is for you

I sacrificed everything daily just so we can survive.

Lost my dignity.

My body is changed forever.

My soul is growing, thriving and suffering

all at the same time..

Guilt plagues me in the nights

as well as lonileness that dwells in the stillness

when you all sleep like angels sweetly

safely

without showing dis abilities

acting incapable of progressing

or raising your families vibration.

You won’t ever read this

the lack of interested in everything

i say and do is capable of tearing down

every thing I have worked so hard for.

Instead of running away in the face of adversity

and chaos that constanly plague our lives.

I meditate and try to raise my own vibration.

I walk behind you and try to guide

while doing damage control.

I cook you meals at your own distaste

but I make sure they are wholesome

while you waste.

I listen to your screams and your disrespect

incapable of grasping reality

tearing at the boundaries like a holy terror.

I clean all day as a ritual

hoping to calm the savage beast

ease the chaotic into well being and

clear the mind.

while the structure is even

the mess from destruction

leaves dust settling in every corner

and broken glass that was shattered

in difiance.

My mind is in constant tramatic influx

searching for answers

while more questions are being created.

sometimes it is too much for one to handle

like throwing me over the edge

where is the grace

or guiding light?

where is my other half

making it right?

Where is the path or

instruction manuel

there is nothing i wouldn’t do

to make it all right

to feel the ease of love

that could make each day worth living

and enjoying again

 

 

conscious alignment

Joining the evolution

like a rebel coming from

the wastelands of reality

taking my prana into chakra’s

healing each one

against the currents of toxic waves

flowing my way from

every direction in this environment

Healing through light

transit pieces of well being

sacrificed by the reigns of

elementary reasoning

chaos that dilutes the life vitality

is the constant battle of disorder

dis-ease

preserving/38/soul love saga

when it comes down to trivial moments

self doubt succumbs to preservation

against all wishes and wants

against everything that I stand for

I stand against.

I am for preserving my soul

which is blackened by constant badgering

I am for preserving my dignity

awash  as toxic negativity  saturates my being

when mental illness rains down on my day

I  can’t make others choose the right thing

I can’t make others want to do the right thing

I can hold a light

for when they are ready

I can seek and demand answers

I can self care in this mutilation that resembles a life

one day at a time

i can convince myself that the sun will eventually

make it up over this mountain

and warm our spirits

sharing light to let us play

 

my ecosystem/37/soul love saga

IMG_0245

lingering moments

and dense categories

savoring relish

for the time being

sacred and scared

to move into reality

because my own ecosystem

is safe and free from

anyone else’s genocide

toxic waste dumps

massive amounts of wasted energy

with the masses of viral words

and false disclosers

threatening to invade

your territories and your

minions or children or students of life

 

My guess is it is difficult to come

to the realization

that some of us work hard

at just being the best

we know how to be

ouch…

intensities and elevated vibrations

could soar with un-mounting pleasure

with taking responsibility for your own

gaining rewards instead of wasting

time filling little ears with false hopes

and leaving  a trail of despair

when you feed the lies

and the little truths

crumble to the ground

 

I have a light that shines

on my path

it’s called

hope

I fuel it with

love and light it with

endurance

it saturates my walkway

with will

and shines on my feet

and the roots

growing into giai
I carefully step over

keeping the darkness

from my ecosystem