Tag Archives: children

imbolic winter morning/39

I cherish these quiet mornings.

Before the kids wake up and everyone is asleep.

Nestled in their blankets warm

on a cold winters day.

I use to resist the urge

but came flying out of my bed

to tell my story.

Maybe I crawled between

the kids sprawled like a litter of kittens

more because I was lonely.

My dreams were lying again.

Waking up with no arms around me.

Without my friend to make me laugh

or share that drink.

Either way

I am here.

listening to the bubbling of the phishtank

and the humm of the coffee pot.

Keeping my vital essence  caffeine

dripping at 200 degree’s perfect.

I will be ready for an iv in a few (just a tired moms joke)

Today is the day

I let love win

or let it in.

Can I just let it in?

Open the door to my dreams?

I open up to imbolic and refuse negativity in my home.

Light my prayer make my wish.

Like singing that same song over and over again.

It’s just a wish

to make my family happy and healthy at all cost.

(Usually me, my sanity and work effort)

Putting aside what I want for what is best.

Admirable, right?

Time will tell feels like the mountains win again

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days past

I said in these days past

as the light flickered on and off

by little fingers

all the words I could ever say

who would listen

not the little ears

nor the bigs

but the radiate energy that surpasses

extraordianry lives

and passes ordinary lives

with the likeness of dolls

one moment that leads to another is like

a marathon

where I am only in a race against time

not anyone else

to my sisters dismay

but the uncanny resemblance

of my fathers dead decaying

corpse..

I don’t know where this will all lead

only I know I can’t quit yet

Pushing the boundaries

of the words

that flow from the ether

I have to step up and breath

I have to live and love

and know that in the end

it is me that must

sleep soundly at night

the foster care system isn’t my boss

nor is their mother

but my own consciousness

on raising the spirits

bright and bueatiful

and caring for my own

in their own way

not one person can understand this

journey

nor can they make it easy

except those who get off on suffering

and release their venom on me

instead of taking responsibility

I still have to devote my time

stratagize my personal life

and sacrifice everything to make it right

and love and hug

these beings tight

I am so strong

because I have to be

because I am a survivor

because I cant be weak

Bipolar planetary preoccupation

 

 

When the winds have changedpuzzle peices

and nothing goes as planned
Bi polar up and ran with any of my sanity her rage brings out the darkest sides of my soul
Painful moments that go against everything i ever thought i was
And everything i think i am
This is beyond someone reacting in a difficult situation
This is someone who is constantly in a stAte of shock abused
battered
triggered
Trying to make things work

 

water color washes over me/2012/ soul love saga

I found my mouth salivating

as the kids

meddled their fingers in

water colors

color washes on thick paper

my mind reaches into the empty dark

chasm of possibilities

when I open my eyes desires melt

as the to do

lists mount

high with expectations

mountains of laundry

lay awaiting

sprawled out in the colorful horizon

a landscape in need of vacuuming

 

kids echoing wants as

my mouth dries in arid anticipation

of the mayan end of the world

fear of stagnation and unchanged environment

rises above

with the hope of a new world

with collective consciousness

 

dis orders/38/soul love saga

Open your eyes and see me standing here

 

calling out to you.

Hear me as I speak.

I need you to listen to me.

Everything I do is for you

I sacrificed everything daily just so we can survive.

Lost my dignity.

My body is changed forever.

My soul is growing, thriving and suffering

all at the same time..

Guilt plagues me in the nights

as well as lonileness that dwells in the stillness

when you all sleep like angels sweetly

safely

without showing dis abilities

acting incapable of progressing

or raising your families vibration.

You won’t ever read this

the lack of interested in everything

i say and do is capable of tearing down

every thing I have worked so hard for.

Instead of running away in the face of adversity

and chaos that constanly plague our lives.

I meditate and try to raise my own vibration.

I walk behind you and try to guide

while doing damage control.

I cook you meals at your own distaste

but I make sure they are wholesome

while you waste.

I listen to your screams and your disrespect

incapable of grasping reality

tearing at the boundaries like a holy terror.

I clean all day as a ritual

hoping to calm the savage beast

ease the chaotic into well being and

clear the mind.

while the structure is even

the mess from destruction

leaves dust settling in every corner

and broken glass that was shattered

in difiance.

My mind is in constant tramatic influx

searching for answers

while more questions are being created.

sometimes it is too much for one to handle

like throwing me over the edge

where is the grace

or guiding light?

where is my other half

making it right?

Where is the path or

instruction manuel

there is nothing i wouldn’t do

to make it all right

to feel the ease of love

that could make each day worth living

and enjoying again

 

 

conscious alignment

Joining the evolution

like a rebel coming from

the wastelands of reality

taking my prana into chakra’s

healing each one

against the currents of toxic waves

flowing my way from

every direction in this environment

Healing through light

transit pieces of well being

sacrificed by the reigns of

elementary reasoning

chaos that dilutes the life vitality

is the constant battle of disorder

dis-ease

Catalyst/38/soul love saga

The laugh of a child,

the smile of a new being when you kiss their toes

that makes life worth it.

The dance of the gyspy

or records spinning on a player,

live music reverberating through the dimensions that

permeate your being, alter your cells, sync with your heart.

loss of the fathers that lead in this disillusion of life

I use to watch in awe and wonder how it would be

to have had someone catch me when I fall?

A river gaining momentum

changing ways forever

when all cells combined

in effort to move

uses vibration as a catalyst

to produce this poem

turn on a light

alter your mind to

elevate levels of consciousness.