Tag Archives: homeless

vagina expierience/27/soul love saga

winter2012 178Vagina experience
My first experience of the Vagina Monologues was February 14, 2004. it was just the dose that I needed. I had left my husband just a few days earlier. It was late at night and it was the HBO special. All the kids were sleeping on my mother’s floor. I was hoping that we would find a way to gain strength and insight. I had only vaguely heard of the monologues before. I was so amazed with Eve’s courage. How gracefully she was able to speak about vaginas. At that moment, my life was just crawling out of turmoil and I really didn’t know what direction to go, never did I guess that I would be able to get up in front of hundreds and talk about my coochi snoorcher. Never mind talking to hundreds of people about signing my vagina petition but that was to be in my future. That is a big thing, considering that I had sworn off the whole vagina thing as it was, being in the spotlight and talking about vagina’s at least I had my clothing on.

At that point in my life when I saw it for the first time I had nowhere to go but up. There was nowhere to go for a while. The show touched on so many aspects of my life I hadn’t let myself even feel or acknowledge in a while. I remember laying there crying for the few hours that the show played as she hit on the different cords that I had forgotten to listen too. I wasn’t crying about my failed marriage, not even about my broken arm all deformed, or that my life was not as I had planned it to be. I was changing my life as the show progressed I was changing, I was never going to be a good wife and that was o.k. I was never going to go back and that was o.k. too. This was just the excuse that I needed to move into the mindset that I need in order to be a thriving independent female, a single mother of three children under 3 years of age I know I keep saying that. This is a big deal. It makes all the difference in the world there is no down time I am always a mom first.

It was so perfect that I found the monologues when I did. Because there are those times when you just don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other and that was then.

I came to understand how just much the human can really endure and survive, and as misery loves company. I had been put in my place. Knowing that there were others who had been through the extremities and eventually continued on with their lives made what I was going through easier. I am not alone. There is hope and that is through the commitment to make life, all life better

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shakedown kind/ 22/ soul love saga

come to us
We know which way to go
Only the kind
The prophets’ game
4:20 Do you know what time it is????

Shakedown stress
Only the kind
Everything green is more than gold
It’s all the same
Only a new game
And a hazy old shade
Killed the sweetest name
Safest baby faces
Innocence
Maintained
pureness
Only the kind
Love is the only
Positive chance for the perfect high
Can be seen in death’s eye
We’ve had to move on
Where greens only gold
Lost too many friends
Turned heads along the way

4:20 shakedown st.
Commin home
Oh I’m commin home
Only the kind will lead me
When I can’t get on my feet

On a hill she sang so sweetly
Masking us from
Societies scream of evil mysteries
Songs to take me to tears
Away from rage
Strings played on a guitar
The roll of drums
Through midnight hours
Till morning light comes
Angels are playing
Rainbows dancing
Fields of laughter

High above the hills
Angels give lost souls
New realms and destiny’s to complete
Happiness is a given
Justice is the reason
Protection of your peoples
General Principals
Will take us till tomorrow
Memories of melodies
From rainbows
To glitters of green and gold
In the pot we shared
Savor to teach the last of innocence
Take me home on Shakedown St.
Please sing to me sweetly
Mask my mind with a kind voice
I have no more tears  

No, no more tears
Passion is the soul
Glitter me whole
Sometimes I need songs
sung with soul
Heart of the drums
Music brought us together
Here together
Always stay pure and kind
Love and truth takes time
To shine through
Commin down from a high
I realized not everyone was kind
I have yet to loose my mind
On top of a hill sang so sweetly
Angles from above
Guitars and drums
Echo forever in my heart
Through the midnight hours
Till the morning comes
Rainbows dancing
Fields of laughter
Glitters of green and gold
In the pot we shared
Memories of melodies
Music frees us
Form societies evils
Sing so high
Ill never come down
winter2012 186

another night/34/soul love saga

Another night rolls in, I clutch my blanket not sure what the night holds. I think about those moments I missed by not saying what I meant. Maybe it would have changed my whole world. Still my heart aches for what could have been. My heart aches to take those moments back so I could say what was really in my heart. The only thing I have left from those times is this cherished blanket that I hold dear. The one that holds me through each and every time that I have been left to wander about my pivotal moments in my so called life. The nights falls like it always does and here I am in my own mind.

A mind that is full of guilt about the way my kids have had to live through their young lives. Dealing with a mother whose ability to parent has been laden with responsibility. Dealing with siblings whose problems are bigger than their beliefs. Still we curl up spooned in my blanket feeling its warmth and stability no matter what life brings us. At the end of the day the lights go off and the stillness that blankets our room is what saves us. The comfort we find in each other’s arms is unmatched. Even when the patches start to unsew themselves knot magik has kept it together like a prayer.

My lover/!9/soul love saga

winter 2013 673 a memory forever
Your love a likely situation
But, where would I be;
Cracks feign, pregnant before 19-pimped out?
Singing songs in a hometown wasteland
I have trooped all these city streets alone
Trying to find my way home
Single, my mind wonders
Levels of excitement fill the air
Nothing compares
I want to go far, Travel all the seas
Exotic lands
Buddha jams
Smoking sessions
Foreign palaces
Going crazy, every day
Even a world away I whisper your name
As the moon rises over the mountain
I make a wish to share your love all over the lands
Shopping in villages, making Central Park ours,
Sex on a high rise, Sex on a beach
Waves crashing our bodies
Sand clinging everywhere
Passion rolls ecstasy
On the dance floor
Soul kitchen
All eyes can see
Jealous of us
They will never have the memory
Hot reggae in the shower
cids not the same
We could chill
No more orgasms discretely
Talking on the phone
Watching the same movies
Over and over never complete
Now
All alone
it took me years to name a scene
You were always a mystery
To me
That was o.k.
My highway man
Who would disappear in the night?
The first time I saw you across my memory
Across from my daddy’s grave
On his birthday
I thought it twas fate
You were the one to inspire me
To overcome
Never had I met anyone
Quite like you
The first man to stay in my land
No matter what happened
You came home to me
I had to leave your business alone
Sleeping by your side
Snug and tight
I loved the way you smell
The soft of your skin
You held me so tight that one night I could barely breathe
I stayed up all night watching you dream
Little things that you said
Made me listen to my heart
It was misery being apart
When you knocked on my door years later,
Tears streaming down your face
I needed you to stay
Forever more
If only for a day
Simply… a spark in ambition

You can’t take me down/35/soul love saga

 inner mandala water colour $100
inner mandala water colour $100
I am so tired by days end. Running from place to place. As I run I am trying to catch up so that I can relax, meditate, or play. My days are so full of laughter and work. Doing everything to keep my family going and creating. How do you find balance in a world that keeps throwing obstacles at you.
Knowing my mission would help. Knowing why I came here in the first place  and what my life purpose is  helps. I write, and I create. I am a creator. Using and manipulating the environment around me to tell a story through words and art.  I use my stories in my art and my poems to make my pictures.
There is now stagnation to hold me down only the constant chaos that keeps my motor in turned on.

You can’t take me down
with rejection
the words stir inside
of me so loud
I want to scream
and shout the truth
of everything that ever was
or will be
Justice for the unrecognizable
terms  
that matter to all our people
for those who work from the time they
get up until the time they go to bed
I found my life’s purpose
to inspire + create
to push the doors
open
to possibilities
You can’t take me down
I have a story to tell

touching the sky/35/soul love saga

*Touching the sky

My momma said
these roots that I grow will stabilize me
yet they have held me down
and strangled my wings
feather by feather
like the leaves that fall
on the wind
they drift back and forth
on unforeseen currents
I hold out my hand tryin to catch the last of the warmth
the feathers provide as they leave

my roots in the paper work
each time I sign my name
I do it all for my children
every promise sends
more of myself in search of nutrients
so to stabilize me
us
yet I grow
my spirituality not yet
touching the sky
My spirituality rooted out
        out of chaos
shared as my hair dreads
as I dread repetition

My mind wanders as I soar,
tell death I do my part

seasonal economics/34/soul love saga

seasonal economics
The sound of night
echoes beyond stillness
I haphazardly fill out applications
in the recession of
my economic depression
seizing up on me again

Sounds of    the tomatoes
saucing their juices
making meals for months to come
Vibrating sounds of the crickets legs
gives me solace that
summer has not been
forgotten, yet
As the first days of
fall blow the
Hurricane in
The nights crisp air
is a  reminder
Change is in the air

Winters approach
lies between the months
Like a blanket of
ice hides under the snow
the search for
something substantial continues
inside my house is warm and the winter
ravishes the world outside
storm after storm

Spring comes to slowly
the awakening   of the earth
The sound of the birds perched
careless to the instability of
our lives
mud rivers flow courageously
Raging civilizations
as the coldness of our endurance
is warmed by the sun once more

The summer brings an abundance
Once again the earths vitality is
alive.  We are awake with energy
moving forward through this recession
forgetting  the economy