Tag Archives: post tramatic stress disorder

dis orders/38/soul love saga

Open your eyes and see me standing here

 

calling out to you.

Hear me as I speak.

I need you to listen to me.

Everything I do is for you

I sacrificed everything daily just so we can survive.

Lost my dignity.

My body is changed forever.

My soul is growing, thriving and suffering

all at the same time..

Guilt plagues me in the nights

as well as lonileness that dwells in the stillness

when you all sleep like angels sweetly

safely

without showing dis abilities

acting incapable of progressing

or raising your families vibration.

You won’t ever read this

the lack of interested in everything

i say and do is capable of tearing down

every thing I have worked so hard for.

Instead of running away in the face of adversity

and chaos that constanly plague our lives.

I meditate and try to raise my own vibration.

I walk behind you and try to guide

while doing damage control.

I cook you meals at your own distaste

but I make sure they are wholesome

while you waste.

I listen to your screams and your disrespect

incapable of grasping reality

tearing at the boundaries like a holy terror.

I clean all day as a ritual

hoping to calm the savage beast

ease the chaotic into well being and

clear the mind.

while the structure is even

the mess from destruction

leaves dust settling in every corner

and broken glass that was shattered

in difiance.

My mind is in constant tramatic influx

searching for answers

while more questions are being created.

sometimes it is too much for one to handle

like throwing me over the edge

where is the grace

or guiding light?

where is my other half

making it right?

Where is the path or

instruction manuel

there is nothing i wouldn’t do

to make it all right

to feel the ease of love

that could make each day worth living

and enjoying again

 

 

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conscious alignment

Joining the evolution

like a rebel coming from

the wastelands of reality

taking my prana into chakra’s

healing each one

against the currents of toxic waves

flowing my way from

every direction in this environment

Healing through light

transit pieces of well being

sacrificed by the reigns of

elementary reasoning

chaos that dilutes the life vitality

is the constant battle of disorder

dis-ease

preserving/38/soul love saga

when it comes down to trivial moments

self doubt succumbs to preservation

against all wishes and wants

against everything that I stand for

I stand against.

I am for preserving my soul

which is blackened by constant badgering

I am for preserving my dignity

awash  as toxic negativity  saturates my being

when mental illness rains down on my day

I  can’t make others choose the right thing

I can’t make others want to do the right thing

I can hold a light

for when they are ready

I can seek and demand answers

I can self care in this mutilation that resembles a life

one day at a time

i can convince myself that the sun will eventually

make it up over this mountain

and warm our spirits

sharing light to let us play

 

Freedom / 37/ Soul love saga

Freedom in the ability to travel

and make choices

between life + love

passion

my sky blue

fall and winter of 2011-2012 248

caged unearthed

words + territories

unexplored building

a slow +steady love

learning patience

gives way to freedom

I wonder

my ecosystem/37/soul love saga

IMG_0245

lingering moments

and dense categories

savoring relish

for the time being

sacred and scared

to move into reality

because my own ecosystem

is safe and free from

anyone else’s genocide

toxic waste dumps

massive amounts of wasted energy

with the masses of viral words

and false disclosers

threatening to invade

your territories and your

minions or children or students of life

 

My guess is it is difficult to come

to the realization

that some of us work hard

at just being the best

we know how to be

ouch…

intensities and elevated vibrations

could soar with un-mounting pleasure

with taking responsibility for your own

gaining rewards instead of wasting

time filling little ears with false hopes

and leaving  a trail of despair

when you feed the lies

and the little truths

crumble to the ground

 

I have a light that shines

on my path

it’s called

hope

I fuel it with

love and light it with

endurance

it saturates my walkway

with will

and shines on my feet

and the roots

growing into giai
I carefully step over

keeping the darkness

from my ecosystem

 

 

insidious observations

puzzle peices

insidious observations

counting time where it goes

where this path will lead

gradual preoccupation’s

of teenage dominations

this will only get worse

as the world spins

out of control

how do you grasp

something so big?

wide?

expansive?

as attitude?

diversions

techniques

multiple personalities and kids

striding

heaping preoccupations

when I just want to kick back

take a load off of my anni (hilated)

mind and body

find my center and move there

find my personal space

and live there

 

High or power~Trinity love

Submissive sunlight, breaking through dim, sensations of life force, verbalizations of him.

Hand out, head down, wander in single file. Freedom in shackled vassalage denial.

Obligatory elders, crowned in dust, pursuant oil can, frozen with rust.

Broken benevolence, euphoric malaise, pontificate mumbled pantheon praise

Knock kneed prostration, embodied benign, emphysema hacking out chunks of divine .

Bend, bow, slither and moan, forget to remember your’ never alone

AMEN